Seniority Rules!

The world's oldest person, Elizabeth "Lizzy" Bolden died at a nursing home in Memphis, Tennessee this week at the age of 116. You know what this means. We all move up a notch!

Facial Expressions and Matters of Life and Death

Saturdays are normally my day to relax, watch a game or two on television, and maybe get a little yard work done, but last week was an exception. An afternoon wedding, a birthday party, vigil Mass, and the out-of-town wedding reception had been on the calendar for some time. Added rather unexpectedly was a funeral in the morning. A friend from our parish lost her elderly mother and I wanted to pay my respects.

Since my wife and son were providing the music for the wedding and would be attending the rehearsal Friday evening, I stopped at the Burger King drive-up on my way home from work to pick up a fish sandwich before attending the wake. The cashier who was a friend of my daughter, asked me about the death of a relative of mine. This was news to me. I knew he had been in poor health, but despite the fact he lived only a few blocks from me, I was unaware of his passing. Add to the weekend another wake.

Saturday also proved to be busy for my son, the organist. He came home from college to play for the wedding so he also played for the morning funeral. The deceased came from a large Catholic family. One of the daughters picked the music for the Mass. My son is rather particular (read orthodox) about the music he plays. While there are many beautiful Catholic hymns appropriate for funerals, most families typically request Amazing Grace, and Precious Lord, Take My Hand. He respects the family's wishes, but puckers at the Protestant flavor of some of the selections. Wedding music is another matter. More about that later.

The funeral went well. A nephew of the deceased is a priest in the Boston Archdiocese. He concelebrated the Mass with our parish priest. I did notice a new liturgical wrinkle creeping into the liturgy. Our parish is pretty much evenly divided among those who during the Our Father assume no particular posture, those who assume the Orans Position, and those who hold hands. At the funeral Mass, some of the visitors took the hand-holding to a new extreme. They held hands, not only from one end of the pew to the other, but formed a snake going from pew to pew, punctuated with the standard half-orans termination pose. At the response to the doxology, they all raised their hands high the in air, still joined, in what I would describe as a modified ring-around-the-rosie move. (At what point does a Protestant pucker become a frown?)

For those who say, "So, what's wrong with holding hands during the Our Father", I really don't want to pontificate on the dangers of adding innovations to the liturgy here. Suffice to say, the Church does not prescribe a posture for the laity during the Our Father. When we invent one, we create a distraction that disrupts our unity and risks evolving into something of a spectacle that may lead to conflicting meanings not intended by the Church. As for singing Amazing Grace during the Mass, some consider it to contain a heretical lyric. I have covered that before. (See Selecting Liturgical Music, 11-28-03)

Before I wander too far off topic, let's go on to the wedding. My cousin's daughter, raised Catholic, was marrying a young non-Catholic she met at work. I do not know his faith background. The wedding vows were exchanged before our parish priest in the Catholic Church, but there was no celebration of the Mass. Music was not a major issue as the bride had little preference for what my son played. She only requested something similar to what her sister had at here wedding a number of years ago. The wedding was nice, but not without its quirky moments.

My niece was one of the bridesmaids. Having no fashion sense myself, I won't try to describe their gowns other than to say the upper half of their torsos were exposed in the back. My niece has tattoos, among which is a black cat sitting between her shoulder blades. At least, I THINK it was a black cat. The quality is so poor, it could easily be mistaken for large birthmark, which would be much less unsightly than the tattoo. I'll never understand what thought process causes a beautiful young girl to mutilate her body that way. (When does a frown become a grimace?)

After the bridal procession, the priest opened the ceremony by announcing that he forgot to have chairs set up in the front of the sanctuary for the wedding party. The bride and groom, best man and maid of honor, were made to stand through the entire ceremony including the homily. It was awkward, but everyone muddled through without fainting.

Sandwiched between the wedding and the reception, we briefly attended a birthday party for the one-year-old son of some parish friends, and then returned to church a third time for the Sunday vigil Mass for which my son also played. The wedding reception was being held about one hour's drive from the church, and we were hoping to make a quick exit after Mass as to not be too late for the festivities. We had forgotten that a baptism was taking place during Mass, and that my son had promised to meet another prospective bride and groom after Mass to pick out music for their wedding. I believe I may hold a record for witnessing a baptism, birthday party, wedding and funeral all in one day!

Knowing that we had to drop our son off at his college after the wedding reception and our schedule was now tighter than ever, we decided to run home to load his belongings for him while he met with the future bride and groom and their vocalist. When we got back to the church, he was still meeting with them in the choir loft. As we were now ten minutes late for the reception, and the reception was an hour away, I went upstairs to try to hurry them up. When I got there, I could tell from my son's facial expression that things were not going well. The vocalist, supposedly a Catholic, had suggested show tunes from the Sound of Music for the wedding. My son had informed them that wasn't going to happen here. She had also picked one of the contemporary pieces of music for the Mass, and was explaining to the bride and groom that "they don't do music in this parish that is done in almost every other parish around." (When does a grimace become a sneer?) With that, I told them we had to leave and they would have to finish picking out music themselves. We actually locked them in the church after telling them a complicated route they could follow to exit the church in the dark.

On the way to the reception, the car directly in front of us hit a deer. Had we left a few seconds earlier, we could have been the lead vehicle in the deer slaughter. No one was hurt, except for the deer, and we proceeded to the reception, getting there just in time to miss the obligatory full length epic video biographies of the bride and groom set to country music. The bride's sister and her husband got up to read a poem they had written about the bride and groom. Included in the prose was the story about how the bride and groom cohabitated before they were married. When it was over, everyone, including the priest who presided at the wedding, applauded politely. (When does a sneer become a glare?)

The experience of that day makes me realize how far we have strayed from our catholicity. The faith that makes us Catholics has been obscured by the secular traditions that have crept into the most important events of our lives. The sacramental nature of Matrimony has been cast aside. The marriage has become a production, complete with planners, directors, writers, designers, makeup artists, and videographers. The music is the wedding score, much like a movie soundtrack selected to set the mood and reflect the personality of the couple. No longer is it a melodious prayer praising God and asking him to bless the union. What spiritual preparation occurs is treated like a procedural requirement, much like getting the license. Couples go through it because the parish requires it, not because they are seeking spiritual growth together.

Those considering marriage should thoroughly understand what it means to enter into a covenant before God. Being in a covenantal relationship implies a complete commitment to one's partner. It carries certain responsibilities in the way couples lives their lives within the context of their Catholic faith. They must realize the difficulty they will encounter in their spiritual growth if they are not on the same path. Our parish has Marriage Preparation classes, but I cannot help but wonder about what is taught. What are they told about the Church's teaching on birth control? Do they study Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul's encyclical on Human Life?

Of course, the brief time spent by the couple in front of the priest in preparation for marriage will mean little if proper faith formation did not take place from an early age. When one of them was never grounded in the faith or comes from a non-catholic background, the chance of a solid faith-based union becomes even less likely. Then, what are chances that children coming from such a union will be properly catechized?

There are no easy answers. We are all called to holiness, but few seem to heed that call these days. We must pray and lead by example. Pray for vocations, for good priests who are not reluctant or unwilling to teach the fullness of the faith from the pulpit. Pray for families, for good parents who raise their children in homes upholding solid Christian values. Nurture the love of Christ and His Church in our children and all those around us. Living lives that are more Christ-centered than self-centered will give us many reasons to smile.

Roadshow Treasure!

Appraiser: Tell me what you've got here - first of all, how did you come by it?

Guest: Well, it was handed down through our family. I got it from my parents, my mother mostly. We grew up with it in our house and never thought too much about it. As I got older, I thought there might be more to it than what my parents had realized. They seemed to take it for granted that everyone had one, or at least something like it, and one was just as good as the other. I moved out of the house when I was about 19 and I guess you'd say I left it behind - didn't even miss it really until I got a little older.

Appraiser: We see a lot of these come through the Roadshow. As you say, most people have it and just take it for granted. They assume theirs is real or at least, serves their purpose, and don't give it much thought beyond that. The fact is, most are not original. They are copies, and in many cases, copies of copies. And the more they are copied, the more different they become from the truly authentic. Most people just assume theirs is original and authentic, and for the most part, they go through their entire lives not knowing any different.

Guest: I honestly never knew if ours was real or not. In fact, I didn't know whether there is a way to tell. Many claim authenticity, but they can't all be true because they differ in many ways. I don't know how to tell and that's why I'm here!

Appraiser: You are right about that. They can't all be true if they conflict with one another. Well, there IS a way to tell, although many people don't want to admit the truth when they hear it. Even when you show them theirs was developed much later, they don't want to hear it! Now, I can tell you how we can determine if yours is real.

Guest: That's why I came.

Appraiser: Okay, then. First of all, what do you call it?

Guest: We always just called it the Church. Mom always said, "We're going to Church," and that's what we called it.

Appraiser: That's fine. Some people call it their religion, some have a specific name for it, but most use the term Church even though what they specifically have is not necessarily what we would call the true Church. One of the characteristics in determining the authenticity is its unity or oneness. There is only one Church.

Guest: One? How do you know that?

Appraiser: From Scripture. We know the Church is the Body of Jesus Christ. He had only one body. I can give you several references if you want to research it yourself. You might want to read Romans 12:5. Also look at 1 Corrinthians 10:17, and 12:13 where this oneness is emphasized. Rather than a series of Christian Churches all having differing beliefs, Jesus established just one universal Church. By the way, the Greek word for universal is catholic.

Guest: But how do we even know the Scripture is true?

Appraiser (laughing): Well, we will have to delve much deeper into this if you want to go there, but let me explain it briefly. The short answer is because this Catholic Church says so, but of course, logic prohibits us from using a circular argument to prove the Church from Scripture and Scripture from the Church. Therefore, we must go outside the circle and prove the existence of the Church first, and in fact, the Church does pre-date Scripture and we would not have the Scripture were it not for the Church.

Guest: But again I ask, how do we know this?

Appraiser: You might be surprised to learn that we know quite a lot about what was happening 2000 years ago. We have ancient manuscripts including the some of the writings of the earliest Christians. These documents of antiquity have been scrutinized very carefully to determine authenticity. We have strong evidence that a man named Jesus lived, that he claimed to be the Son of God, that he was a miracle worker, that he died a horrible death by crucifixion, and that he rose from the dead, and was seen by some 500 witnesses afterwards. We also have evidence that he established a Church and promised to send the Holy Spirit to guide it to truth, and gave the Church authority to bind and loose in His absence. He also said the gates of hell will not prevail against it.

Guest: But aren't you just quoting Scripture? Isn't this the circular argument again?

Appraiser: No. We are not assuming the inspiration of Scripture yet at this point. These facts are based strictly on the historical record.

Guest: I thought ALL Scripture was inspired.

Appraiser: It is, but how do we know that?

Guest: Doesn't Scripture itself say so?

Appraiser: No, and it wouldn't prove anything if it did. Many early Christian writings claimed to be inspired. It fell upon the shoulders of the 4th Century Bishops of the Catholic Church to determine once and for all, which of the disputed early Christian writings were inspired and therefore should be included in the Canon of Scripture. Without the Bishops of the Catholic Church under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we would not have a Bible. People don't realize that you can't know infallible Scripture without an infallible Church.

Guest: So how can so many people try to prove errors of Catholicism by quoting Scripture?

Appraiser: Ironic, isn't it?

Guest: But, don't many other Churches claim to be the true Church Christ established?

Appraiser: Yes, and now we are getting back to how we discern the true Church. Let's examine the identifying marks of yours carefully. If we now accept Scripture as truth inspired by God, we know the true Church is ONE Church. It doesn't make sense to have a series of different denominations all claiming to be the Christian Church, but teaching contradictory doctrine. So, unity of doctrine is the first mark we look for. We also know the Church is Holy.

Guest: I would think many churches . . . or denominations . . .

Appraisers: Ecclesiastical Communities, we sometimes call them.

Guest: Okay, Ecclesiastical Communities. I would think many Ecclesiastical Communities could claim to be Holy, and the Catholic Church has certainly had priests and bishops whom one would never consider to be holy!

Appraiser: True, but don't confuse the universal Church as the Bride of Christ with the actions of her individual members. Paul writes about the relationship between Christ and the Church in his letter to the Ephesians. You might want to read in Chapter 5 where he compares the relationship between husbands and wives to that of Christ and the Church. Read verses 21 to 30 where we get this imagery of the Church as Christ's Body, being holy and without blemish. Contrast this with John chapter 6, verse 70 where Jesus refers to one of His chosen apostles as the devil. Those apostles were the first bishops of the Church, chosen by Jesus Himself. Yet, one of them was evil. That does not mean the Church as a Divine Institution is evil. There's a big distinction there!

Guest: But, that describes many churches . . . or Ecclesiastical Communities. (I can't get used to saying that!)

Appraiser: Well, maybe so, but they don't have the primary source of holiness which is grace conveyed through the Sacraments, and especially the Holy Eucharist. John Chapter 6 says unless we eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, we have no life within us. (verse 53) That's a pretty strong statement!

Guest: And only possible in the Catholic Church?

Appraiser: Yes, and let's talk a little more about that term Catholic before we run out of time. We said before that the word Catholic means universal. That's the third mark we look for. Jesus intended His Church for everyone. He told his apostles to make disciples of ALL nations (Matt 28:19-20). The Catholic Church has been doing this for 2000 years. We know the term Catholic was in use to describe Christ's Church at least as early as the 2nd century when Ignatius of Antioch was using it.

Guest: It still seems to me that many ecclesiastical communities could make these claims.

Appraiser: Well, they can make the claims, but the claims won't hold up to scrutiny! I might suggest you take time to read the Church Fathers, early Christian writers who describe belief and practice when the Church was in its infancy. Compare their beliefs to those of the various ecclesiastical communities of today and compare them to the Catholic Church. And even if you still believe any Christian communities can claim to be holy and universal, I think you'll be hard pressed to accept any claim to be one and apostolic. The fourth mark, being the Apostolic continuity of succession, should be the clincher.

Guest: And what does that mean exactly?

Appraiser: Jesus appointed the apostles to be the first leaders of the Church. Those leaders had successors which we now call bishops. By apostolic, we mean the true Church will have a continuous unbroken line of successors from the first apostles down to the bishops of today. Even that apostle we talked about earlier who Jesus called the devil, had a successor. You can read about his selection in the first chapter of Acts beginning around verse 15. You can also read some of early Christian writers who list the successors to Peter, the apostle who was given primacy over the others by virtue of being given the Keys to the Kingdom by Jesus.

Guest: But still, can't at least some of these so-called Ecclesiastical Communities still have the four marks? Say the Lutherans for example. Didn't Martin Luther just remove some of the dirt that had tarnished the Church?

Appraiser: No. While he removed the dirt, you might say he also removed the patina, and in doing so, what made the Church so valuable, that being protection of truth by the Christ-granted authority, was lost. Once the authority and the teaching of that authority was denied, only the Bible remained. What's the pillar and foundation of truth?

Guest: The Bible.

Appraiser: Is it? Read first Timothy 3, verse 15. The Bible says the pillar and foundation of truth is the Church of the living God.

Guest: So, without the Church, we lose the pillar and foundation of truth.

Appraiser: Absolutely. The ecclesiastical communities can have much truth, but not the fullness of the truth. They have the Bible, which they got from the Catholic Church by the way, but they have to interpret it for themselves since they no longer trust the authority which gave them the Bible in the first place. Do you see why I call these other so-called churches knock-offs?

Guest: I do now.

Appraiser: I don't mean it disrespectfully. Some of them are very beautiful. On the outside, they may appear more attractive than the Catholic Church to some. But once you understand what's missing - the authority, the truth, the sacraments, especially the Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation, the Mass itself, and all the other graces, the whole Communion of Saints - I could go on and on. There's really no comparison. The provenance is critical to the value.

Guest: So, what is this worth?

Appraiser: Well, you owe a great debt of gratitude to your mother for bringing you up in the Catholic faith. All four marks that we look for are here. I've talked this over with a number of my colleagues. How can you place a value on a one of a kind gift from Our Lord, Jesus Christ? It's beyond value - by far, the most valuable thing we have ever had on the Roadshow.

Guest: My God, I had no idea. All these years, I never gave it any thought. I never knew what I had. All the times in my life - all those years - I just didn't know! Thank you so much. You have given me a whole new appreciation for my Catholic faith. I'm not going to keep it hidden away now. I want to put it on display for everyone to see in the hopes others will learn to love it and cherish it as I will from now on.

Appraiser: You'll want to take good care of it - frequent confession, Holy Communion, daily prayer - do all those things and your faith will increase in value.

Guest: Thank you so much.

Appraiser: Thanks for bringing it in.



Guest: I wish my mother could have heard this.

Appraiser: She knows.

Our Parish Anniversary - 125 Years

This weekend, our parish will celebrate 125 years in this small farming community. The town itself is not much older, having been established in 1865. We will be reliving memories of the first 125 years with Mass celebrated by our Bishop and a dinner program following at the local middle school gymnasium. I have been around for over 50 of those years, and my ancestors for more than 100. While we will certainly enjoy looking back, perhaps it is also a good time to look ahead. Just as the President makes a State of the Union address each year, we should also look at the state of our parish.

We live in a community of about 2000 people and only a small percentage are Catholic. As this is a rural area, a good percentage of our parishioners come from the surrounding area. We probably have about 300 active members at this time. Our parish school closed in the 1970's due to declining enrollment and a lack of qualified teachers. Once staffed entirely by the Sisters of Saint Francis, lay teachers were needed as the number of available sisters diminished. The parish could not afford to hire teachers and support the school with tuition money.

The importance of having the school was never realized until long after it was closed. Having good holy nuns directly involved with the formation of children was also an important factor in the spiritual welfare of the parents. Around the time the school closed, we were also feeling the effects of Vatican II reforms. Society itself was in a transitional period. Traditional moral values were being challenged by the effects of the drug culture and sexual liberation. Church attendance began to decline. Where ushers once found it difficult to find seating for everyone at some Sunday Masses, there were plenty of empty pews and the number of Sunday Masses was reduced. Spiritual life was no longer the central force for most Catholics in our parish it seems. I am sure this was not unique to our situation.

Those of us who have been around awhile are certainly aware of changes in the church. Why does a church, 2000 years old, established by an unchanging God, seem so different today as compared to the church we knew as children? In actuality, despite the reforms of Vatican II, it is society that has changed rather than the church herself. The changes we see are more the result of the changing of its members. Evolving attitudes manifest themselves in the way we worship. Secular influences affect the way we all think and behave, even those responsible for the formation of seminarians. Once the shepherds of the Church have their spiritual direction diverted, it is only a matter of time before the flock goes astray.

Attitudes changed drastically back in the 1960's. In the era of drugs, sex, and rock and roll, we seemed to lose all respect for authority. The Viet Nam conflict caused many young people to disconnect from societal norms of the time. They rebelled against the establishment viewed as government, parents, and even the Church. With no one else to answer to, we became very self-centered. Relativism became the norm. Many began to question absolute truth. Fewer vocations were honored and many seminaries began to close. In an effort to attract young men to the priesthood, the emphasis of the spiritual life was probably relaxed in favor of a more social or fraternal life experience.

The reduced number was not the only problem. Many of those coming out of the liberalized seminaries were frankly not very good priests. Some of them went on to become lousy bishops, as well. Things were allowed to occur that should never have happened. We are all aware of the many cases of abuse by priests. While nothing can ever compare to the damage done by sexual abuse, other less notable abuses still occur within liturgies and other priestly responsibilities that are lax or misdirected.

Those who travel or have occasion to visit various parishes have undoubtedly had jaw-dropping experiences at Sunday Masses. My son just began his freshman year at a Lutheran University where he attends Mass at the Catholic Center across the street. He laments the fact that the Lutherans sometime appear to be more "Catholic" than the Catholics themselves. Accustomed to some semblance of reverence at our home parish, he was shocked to experience improvised Eucharistic prayers, no kneeling, chasubles made of bed sheets with handprints painted on them, and Happy Birthday sung at every Sunday Mass. Many priests seem to feel the need to make the Mass a toga party of sorts to keep young people interested. If only they understood and appreciated the miracle that is happening before them, no fluff would be necessary. Where is our catechesis?

There are still many excellent priests, but they are often overshadowed by the exploits of the less spiritual. The best ones tend to be assigned to large parishes where they can do the most good, leaving us at the smaller parishes to contend with those placed where they can do the least harm. One would expect the local bishop to pull on the reins once in awhile, but maybe he does not want to deal with the situation. In light of some of the recent scandals, we should not be surprised to see a bishop shun his responsibilities. It is also possible bishops are not aware of what may be going on in certain parishes. The holiest members of the congregation are the most likely to show respect to the office of the priesthood, making them reluctant to rock the boat by reporting liturgical or administrative issues. The less religious either don't recognize the problems or they don't care.

We have dealt with extremes when it comes to the local pastorate. From a very holy man who could not interact with ordinary people, to a very sociable priest who likes to visit the casinos, we have run the gamut. One was never seen without his collar, and the other seldom seen with. Somewhere in between, we have also had good parish priests who did their best to lead us closer to Our Lord. I am sure it is not an easy vocation. A priest must deal with many responsibilities, both administrative and spiritual. He must be on call twenty-four hours a day, ready to assume the burdens of others at the worst times of their lives. While we all turn to others in times of trouble, the priest often has no one to turn to but God.

So, what does the future hold for our parish? That is a difficult question to answer. We have already been told we will have to share a priest with a neighboring parish soon. The loss of the parish school, as detrimental as I think it was, will pale in comparison to not having a resident priest. Prospects for an increase in vocations are not good in this diocese. While vocations are growing in many of the more conservative dioceses, such has not happened here yet.

On a positive note, an exciting influx of Protestant converts is taking place all over the country. Some of the most fervent followers of Christ are finding the truth of the historic Catholic Church, thanks in part to the many Catholic Apologetic organizations that have sprung up in the past ten to fifteen years. Many of the groups are run by former Protestants who through their studies have discovered the one true Church Jesus founded. In some cases, Protestant clergy are leading members of their former congregations in the same direction. What we cradle Catholics sometimes lack in evangelistic fire is now igniting others within the Church. I am optimistic about the future growth of the Church. I pray it does not come too late for our parish.

Wistful Thinking

Our second son moved off to college last week leaving only our daughter, a high school senior, at home. One more year before we become empty-nesters. Being an emotional father who was always most comfortable when all three children were tucked firmly in their beds, I had a difficult time keeping my composure those last few days as the reality of another soon-to-be empty bedroom settled over me. Thank God, my wife is the strong one in our household. She helps me to keep it all in perspective.

Evan was never your typical teenager. He began piano lessons at the age of five, and developed an early love for classical music that continues today. The organ became his instrument of choice and he played his first Mass at the age of nine, following in the footsteps of my Aunt Agnes who was the organist at our local parish for 65 years. After her death, Uncle Joe gave her beautiful Conn organ to us. Our house was filled with music everyday. When Evan wasn't playing Bach on the organ, he would be playing Debussy or one of my other favorites on the century-old upright piano that was handed down through my wife's family. Now, they both sit silent in our downstairs family room.

The melancholy that surrounds me is soothed by the knowledge that Evan is pursuing his love of music. He will be home from time-to-time and I am sure the old piano and organ will come to life again. He seems to be excited about attending the university and appears to be adjusting well to his new surroundings. With Internet instant messaging and video technology, and the cellular telephone, kids are never really far away anymore. The world has become a much smaller place.

I have to keep reminding myself that these are not our children. They are God's children. We are just caretakers until they are ready to survive on their own. I don't want to demean the importance of that job, however. It is a tremendous responsibility, one that haunts me as my direct control over my son ends. Did I teach him everything a father needs to teach his son? Will he be ready to take responsibility, to do the right thing? When I am not there to lead, will he make the right choices?

The job of Parent had to be the most difficult in the world. It carries the most responsibility and yet, we begin it with no previous experience. Training is on-the-job, and by the time we gain the expertise, it's too late. Our career is over. Occasionally we see children who are raised from an early age by Grandparents. I wonder if they turn out to be more responsible adults since their guardians had prior experience. It might be an interesting study.

Would I do anything differently if I could raise my children all over again? Certainly, I would. Raising a child is somewhat like painting a picture. We make what we think are the proper brushstrokes to create our masterpiece, but we never really know how it will turn out until we step back to look. There are no assurances. I have seen parents seemingly do all the right things only to have kids grow up to be irresponsible jerks, and others who become wonderful adults despite being neglected while growing up. Perhaps the best we can do is act as we want our children to act. Lead by example, and hope they gain the necessary respect to follow in our footsteps.

I wish I had placed greater emphasis on getting priorities in order. Part of being a responsible adult is knowing what is important. I want my children to understand what a covenant is, and what it means in terms of commitment. I want them to love Our Lord, His Church, and all His creation. I want them to learn their faith and to share it with others. I want them to continue to grow through Grace and by personal study. I want them to be committed to family and to helping others. I want them to be civically and socially responsible. I want them to do the right thing, even in the face of opposition from our secular society.

Did I always do these things as an example for my children? No, not always. I am weak. But for the grace of God do I even have a wife and family. I have been very blessed. Are my children turning out the exactly the way I had hoped? Maybe not exactly, but I am mostly pleased and there are many chapters yet to be written. Despite what we tell them and how we lead, our children need to learn some things for themselves. At times their mistakes can be painful, but we cannot keep the reins on forever. We have to let go.

Please Accept My Apology

My dialogue continues with my non-Catholic friend. His last presentation to me was a list of 19th century Protestant Bible commentaries refuting Peter's primacy, the papacy, and its succession. I countered with a list of quotations from the early Church Fathers proving that the earliest Christians accepted Peter's primacy, his office and its continuity. My letter to him was a much revised version of what I posted last month. I re-read and re-wrote the text several times while making prudent use of my delete button before settling on the final form.

Such apologetic activity is a delicate procedure. How much is too much? My goal is to provoke thought, not anger. In some respects, dialogue with a friend is much more difficult than with a stranger. Friendships can be easily strained, and yet we have a responsibility to share the faith. The Bible says to do so with gentleness and reverence, which is not always easy to do. One's demeanor does not always come across accurately in printed form. Keeping that in mind is paramount.

Our exchanges average semi-monthly cycles. That gives each of us time to calm ourselves, ponder the issues, do research and formulate an answer. While some discussion is done via email, the past few have been in printed form through the U.S. Mail. The reason for this is primarily due to length. Emails twelve to fourteen pages long can be difficult to read. It seems rude to fill someone's mailbox with a large amount of text and then expect that person to print it on his or her own paper. Both of us agree that having the text in printed form is essential for serious study. It allows us to make notes as we read while eliminating the temptation to let the message get buried in an online mailbox.

This particular discussion began when Mel Gibson's movie, The Passion of the Christ, debuted. We have remained on good terms despite the fact that we have firmly revealed our disagreements. Sometimes after sending an apologetic essay, I do sense some peevishness in my friend's initial reaction which usually comes via email. He will usually follow up with a friendly phone call in a day or two. Generally, the phone conversations consist of mostly small-talk, perhaps a mutual reassurance that everything is still okay between us.

Have these exchanges been fruitful? Yes. I'm not going to jump ship and he has shown no signs of coming onboard, but we both have gained insight into each other's faith. We share many common beliefs, and of course, we have many disagreements. My mission is to wipe away any misconceptions about the Catholic Church while presenting the faith in a logical and loving manner. The rest is up to the Holy Spirit.