Condomnation
I recently ran into the father of one of my son’s classmates. Both boys graduated from high school last year. His son went to a state university and my son to a private Christian university. We talked for awhile and the conversation got around to our common concerns of having our boys in college. I’ll call this gentleman Jack. That’s not is real name. At least, I don’t think it’s his real name. I don’t know his real name.
Jack told me his son had drifted away from his faith shortly after high school graduation, but was now going to church again after experiencing the loose moral life existing on many college campuses today. He told his dad of returning to his dorm room one weekend night to find his roommate in bed with a girl, and another girl, provided by his roommate, waiting in his own bed. The boy had the fortitude to turn around and walk out.
Jack went on to talk about the orientation day on campus he and wife attended with their son last summer. Neither Jack nor his wife had ever gone to college. The orientation was a new experience. My wife and I had been through it a few years ago when our oldest son entered another state university. Their orientation day was similar to ours up to a point. In both cases, we attended a meeting in a large lecture hall with a number of other parents. Eventually, they broke us down into small groups of about ten parents. Spouses were not allowed to be in the same group. Each group was given a topic for discussion, and of course, there was a facilitator to keep things moving in the direction the facilitator desired.
I have little recollection of what topic we were given. It has been quite a few years ago since my wife and I first went through this. I do remember feeling awkward about the whole situation. It felt odd trying to problem solve with people we had just met, and I did not understand the intended purpose of all this. In the case of Jack and his wife, the purpose seemed quite clear. They were asked what they would do if they arrived to pick up their child for Christmas break and found a pack of condoms on their child’s dorm room dresser.
Not knowing Jack well, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised by his answer. He said most of the parents in his group were in denial. Most every one said the condoms could not possibly belong to their child. They would have to belong to a roommate or someone else on the floor. Jack seemed to find this amusing, saying that these parents must be naïve to think their kids are not sexually active. He said while he discourages his son from being sexually active, he did tell him to use protection if the situation ever arises.
About this time, the conversation ended and I was left to ponder all of this. I found it disturbing from a number of views. First of all, to what position is the university attempting to orient these parents? Is the message that we know your kids better than you do and you might as well get used to the idea that they will be having sex with one another and it’s okay? It would seem that way to me.
Secondly, Jack’s son wants to get into youth ministry. Is this the mindset we want our youth ministers to have? No wonder kids think pre-marital sex is acceptable behavior these days. A local radio station regularly carries Dr. Dean Edell’s medical minutes. I often want to bang my radio with a hammer when I hear his reports. Recently, he criticized government funding for programs that teach Abstinence only. According to the doctor, these programs are ineffective and a waste of money.
I was immediately reminded of something I heard Catholic Apologist Tim Staples say on an audio tape of his conversion story during an impromptu response to a question about the effects of Protestant philosophy on our society. The tape was produced by St. Joseph Radio of Orange, California in the 1990’s, and his statement made such an impression on me that I transcribed it many years ago for my archive. Tim was speaking about justification, specifically the Lutheran idea of covering over as opposed to the Catholic understanding of the infusion of grace. Luther supposedly used the imagery of cow dung covered in snow to represent us being covered over by the righteousness of Christ. This is in contrast to the Catholic Church teaching that through the infusion of Sanctifying Grace, we are actually transformed. Tim went on the say the following:
“Listen, I know from being a youth pastor in the fundamentalist church, not having this understanding of the infusion of grace, and the real transformation that is going on and is necessary in our lives, that deep down in our psyche, we really don’t believe that people can really live a holy life. Whereas, the Catholic Church teaches, not only can you, but you must. ‘Be ye perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect,’ you see. There is a depth to the spirituality that results from this.
“Now listen, our kids today are told in the schools, you know, they throw condoms at them, right? This is the answer, you know. What does our culture say to our young people when they say, ‘You guys, I know you’re just little animals and you’re gonna have sex anyway so we’ll throw condoms at you. What are they saying to them? They’re saying that you’re really not good. You really can’t live a chaste life. So, we’re just going to throw condoms at you and have you go in the back seat of your car and do whatever you want. Just protect yourself. The message is, ‘You’re cow dung!’ I really believe it’s an influence of a bad philosophy of the human person that really comes down to us through Protestant culture, which the United States is, a Protestant culture. We’ve come from Protestant roots.
Tim hit the nail on the head. This is exactly the message being sprayed on our young people and even their parents on college campuses today. It is the same message Jack conveys to his son, the future youth minister, when he tells him to use protection if the situation arises. It is a bad philosophy of the human person that has succumbed to this notion that sin is part of our nature, that we have no control. It is a denial of free will, and it is wrong.
The rest of Tim’s answer: “Whereas the Catholic Church says, ‘No, you’re not cow dung; you’re created in the image and likeness of God, and you don’t have to live like an animal. And then further, with the sacraments and the infusion and transformation, you can live a holy life.”
Next year, my youngest will be enrolling in a state university. I have been asking myself how I would respond if faced with the same orientation exercise as Jack. I imagine myself surrounded by a gaggle of early Gen X parents and a liberal academia nut facilitator, trying to gently bring me to the realization that my daughter is cow dung, which of course, they already know without having ever met her.
I would answer by saying, “We are Catholic. Condoms, and in fact all artificial forms of birth control, are not permitted even between husband and wife, let alone by our unmarried children. To those who accept artificial birth control as a routine part of your lives, this may be difficult for you to understand
“I recently heard it explained by comparing sex to eating. Both acts sustain life, and both are pleasurable. We get into trouble when we try to separate the pleasure from the intended purpose. If a man eats for pleasure and then goes into the bathroom and purges the stomach, we call it an eating disorder. If a man has sex for pleasure and then spills the seed, it is also disordered.
“Some of you here may be Christian, but not Catholic. Do you realize that even Protestants forbade birth control until 1930? Since even the most fundamental Christians have caved in to the pressures of our secular society, today we Catholics are viewed as the oddballs. We are merely holding firm to the Apostolic teaching handed down and supported by Scripture. In our family, we try to live our faith in the way we conduct our lives. I hope you can understand that, and if any of you would like to discuss it further, I would be more than happy to have a dialogue with you.”
So you see, using condoms to prevent pregnancy resulting from pre-marital sex between teenage children is morally wrong on many levels, and you should not allow anyone in contemporary academia to pressure you into thinking otherwise. And if they do, you may want to consider spending your hard-earned money sending your son or daughter elsewhere.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Brotherly Love
We buried my only brother yesterday. Rol was 74 years old with three children, and four grandchildren. He was a half-brother actually, eighteen years older than I. His mother died when he was quite young and our father eventually remarried. My younger sister and I came from that second union. Dad’s family was Methodist and my mother’s family was devout Catholic. Throw in the fact that he was fifteen years older than she, and I would imagine there were a few eyebrows raised on both sides when they got together.
I have little recollection of my brother when I was young. He married in 1954 when I was four years old and went off to the Navy shortly afterward. In some respects, he seemed more like an uncle to me, and in fact, a few people at the wake offered me sympathy on the loss of my father. Despite both of us living in the same small town for over fifty years, many people did not realize we were brothers. Most of my memories of him commence when he returned home from the service and bought a house where my sister now lives with her husband.
Rol and his wife, Joy, were both smokers. She died unexpectedly ten years ago after suffering a heart attack on the same day my brother was scheduled for heart surgery. He developed circulatory problems which eventually took one leg and his eyesight. The blindness forced him from his home and he spent the last three years of his life in an assisted-living facility.
Despite all of his ailments, Rol was not a bitter person. He loved sports and enjoyed listening to the games on television. He slept in a chair, more comfortable than the hospital bed, he said. And he never kicked the cigarette habit even after losing part of lung. In the end, it was his kidneys and liver that failed. The last chest X-ray showed his lungs to be remarkably clear.
My fondest memories of Rol involved baseball. He and my Dad took me to my first Cub game at Wrigley Field, probably about 1960. When he would come to visit my parents, I always managed to make an appearance with my ball glove hoping he would offer to go outside and play catch. He often did, and even coached my little league team one year. He was pitcher in his youth and was good enough to attract a scout from the Chicago Cubs to visit our house one day. He taught me to play first base, a position I played through high school ball.
He had some struggles in his life, but he overcame most of them. Going through several career changes, he always managed to survive thanks to the support of his wife and family. There were some tears and lots of laughs, typical of many families these days. Not so typical perhaps was the closeness of the family. In a day where many quit in the face of adversity, Rol and his family persevered with an abundance of love.
That love was ever so evident in his last hours with his two sons and daughter by his side. My sister and I were also present when he died. It was the first time I had ever seen someone die. My father died in a hospital after we had left his bedside to get some rest, and my mother died unexpectedly at home in her sleep. I can’t find the words to describe the experience and perhaps I shouldn’t try.
Many thoughts went through my minds as hours slipped by at his bedside. I prayed the Rosary silently, asking for God’s mercy for my brother. I prayed that his children be comforted as they watched in agony as their Dad struggled to breathe. I prayed that his suffering would be united to the suffering of Christ for the remission of his sins. I prayed that my Father and Mother, and his Mother, and his wife, and our Blessed Mother would be waiting to greet him. At ten minutes after
Last week, a friend remarked how shocked Protestants will be someday when they find out there is a purgatory and they have no one here on earth praying for them. I won’t let that happen to my brother. I will continue to pray for the repose of his soul, and I take some comfort knowing that much of his temporal punishment has already been served. Through the Mercy of God, may he rest in peace.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Dreaming in Black and White
I had a dream. I don’t usually remember my dreams, but today was different. Normally I would have been on my way to work before the dream even occurred, but I was home today due to the death of my brother who passed on Saturday.
In my dream, my wife and I were coming home when two new neighboring families from across the street stopped by to greet us. In a strange twist, they were bringing us breakfast, bacon and eggs, on odd banana shaped platters, as a sort house-warming gift. They were ones moving into the neighborhood, but we were the ones being greeted. Oh well, I never said my dreams made sense.
One of the families was of mixed race and as I glanced across the street at their new home, I noticed a racial epithet spray-painted on their garage door. I explained that we had our share of red-necked hillbillies around here, but they were not typical of local attitudes.
Last week, I had a one-on-one conversation with an older Black man who works at the same utility where I do. He had forgotten his identification badge the day before and was stopped by our security officers at the gate. This type of incident is not uncommon. Many employees keep their badges in their vehicles when off duty. If circumstances cause someone to change their daily routine, proper ID is sometimes left behind. Past practice has been to ask the employee his name and who he works for. The security guard will then ask him or her to pull off to the side until they can call the supervisor to get clearance for entry.
Bill pulled off and waited in his vehicle. Some time had elapsed when he was approached by security and asked to provide a driver’s license. Bill was never someone who allowed himself to be pushed around, and having never been asked for a driver’s license under similar circumstances in the past, he refused to comply. He said he reasoned there was personal information on his driver’s license that security guards did not need to see.
After the head of security got involved and several other rather heated exchanges took place, Bill was eventually allowed to enter the plant and began his shift. After a couple of hours on duty, he was pulled off the job by management and driven about 15 miles north to a hospital where he had to provide a urine sample for a drug test. The security head said Bill’s behavior was suspicious. That evening, he was required to attend a fact-finding hearing which is typically done when the company is preparing to discipline someone.
I assume the drug test was negative, and now Bill is anxiously awaiting to hear his fate. He is of retirement age and could find his pension in jeopardy depending on how badly the company wants to hurt him. He has had previous encounters with the head of security, a man whose own behavior has been questioned by many. In this and the other cases, some finger-pointing could be directed at both sides. People often assume the worst about their adversaries, and benign problems escalate into major confrontations.
Bill told me he didn’t want to play the race card, but he felt he was singled out because of his skin color. He said the white guys are waved through security routinely while he is often stopped for closer inspection. It may be true. I don’t know. We often enter the gate in darkness with a flood light pointed at our car windows. Employees hold their picture ID badges up to the window and the guard should theoretically compare the face in the picture to the one behind the wheel. It could be argued that a Black man’s face would be more difficult to see in the darkness. My impression is that most guards are not looking closely in most cases. If you possess what appears to be a company ID, they will normally wave you through.
So, now we have a major incident before us. If Bill is disciplined, he will probably claim it is racially motivated. Looking at the situation from my perspective, it should have been handled routinely without incident. If security was unable to contact Bill’s supervisor for clearance, they should have given him a courteous explanation of why they needed another form of identification. I know Bill can be belligerent when he feels he is being treated unfairly, but a good security officer should be trained to deal with those situations without over-reacting. Forcing Bill to take a drug test was pure harassment, a tactic often used by this company indiscriminately without justification.
Yes, we have come a long way since Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his dream speech in 1963, but that tension between the races still exists. Was this particular incident racially motivated? I don’t know. The point is, it should never have happened. It became a racial incident because it was allowed to. A little courtesy and understanding can go a long way for people of all races.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Reconcilable Differences
I attended a communal Penance Service last week. We have them twice a year, one during Advent and one during Lent. Attendance has steadily dwindled over the years. This one had five priests present to hear 22 confessions. I suspect only 10 to 15 percent of our parishioners receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation at all anymore. Of course, nearly 100 percent of those who still attend Mass receive the Holy Eucharist on a regular basis.
The Bible clearly warns us about receiving the Eucharist in an unworthy manner (1 Corr 11:27). So, why do so many Catholics think nothing of approaching Our Lord in a state of sin? I believe there are several reasons. We have lost our sense of sin. Whose fault is this? I blame the clergy. A recent poster in Steve Ray’s forum told of a priest announcing the Mass Schedule for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, a Holy Day of Obligation. He encouraged the congregation to “try to make it” if they could, but not to worry about it otherwise. He laughed saying, “We used to think you could go to hell for missing Mass” and the congregation laughed along with him. It’s no wonder they do not take the obligation seriously. The Church still teaches that missing Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of obligation without just reason is a grave sin. (CCC 2181).
The Examination of Conscience used at the Penance Service last week was schmaltzy and sugar-coated compared to the booklets we used when I attended Catholic grade school some 40 years ago. Gone is the distinction between mortal and venial sin. In those days, mortal sins were listed in all caps. The booklet shouted at us. There was no doubt that such acts or omissions were serious offenses. Today, being judgmental is itself the sin. Who are we to tell someone they are committing a sin by sleeping in on Sunday morning occasionally instead of attending Mass? The emphasis now seems to be one’s own conscience.
While we should certainly listen to our consciences, we have a moral obligation to form that conscience in accordance with Church teaching. Furthermore, the shepherds of the Church have a moral obligation to instruct the flock accurately on Church teaching. Priests should examine their own consciences by asking themselves, “Have I done a spiritual injustice to my parishioners by not being forthcoming in presenting the truth in my preaching?” Pulling punches for fear of offending the congregation only serves to jeopardize souls.
The lack of proper catechesis is compounded by the loss of so many Catholic schools. Few of us have the opportunity for a strong Catholic education. Many Catholic elementary schools have closed due to the expense of hiring qualified Catholic teachers to replace the nuns which are now fewer in number. Religious education is often taught by volunteers who are ill-equipped to do so. Learning the Catholic faith adequately is impossible when restricted to an hour a week. Following Mass last Sunday, our 4th, 5th, and 6th graders from the parish religious education class performed a sign language interpretation of a contemporary Christian song in front of the altar. While their proficiency in sign language was impressive, I couldn’t help but wonder how much they are really learning about their Catholic faith.
Poor catechesis has also lessened appreciation for the Real Presence. Many take the Holy Eucharist like a weekly vitamin, completely unaware of the miracle they are ingesting. The warning of 1 Corinthians 11:27 carries little weight when one does not understand what is actually taking place. How many of those partaking of the Body of Christ observe Church teaching on artificial birth control? How many fasted for an hour? How many can truly say they are in a state of grace? The congregation assumes the attitude that everyone else is approaching the altar and none of them go to confession, so why should I be any different? If there was something wrong with this, the priest would say something, wouldn’t he?
Even those who do understand the necessity of proper disposition are sometimes deterred from receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation by the modern forms. Many are uncomfortable with face-to-face confession, and although the option of going behind the screen is still available, the guarantee of anonymity is shaky at best. Many confessionals have been replaced by Reconciliation rooms where the priest may be visible upon entering. One never knows if he will be seen by the confessor and therefore, may avoid the possibility. How many serious sins go unconfessed because someone fears his anonymity will be compromised?
The fact that few priests show any concern for the long Communion lines and non-existent Confessional lines only further serves to justify the commonly held belief that confession is no longer considered necessary. The Priests contributed to this attitude and only they can reverse the trend by addressing these issues from the pulpit. Souls are at stake!
I attended a communal Penance Service last week. We have them twice a year, one during Advent and one during Lent. Attendance has steadily dwindled over the years. This one had five priests present to hear 22 confessions. I suspect only 10 to 15 percent of our parishioners receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation at all anymore. Of course, nearly 100 percent of those who still attend Mass receive the Holy Eucharist on a regular basis.
The Bible clearly warns us about receiving the Eucharist in an unworthy manner (1 Corr 11:27). So, why do so many Catholics think nothing of approaching Our Lord in a state of sin? I believe there are several reasons. We have lost our sense of sin. Whose fault is this? I blame the clergy. A recent poster in Steve Ray’s forum told of a priest announcing the Mass Schedule for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, a Holy Day of Obligation. He encouraged the congregation to “try to make it” if they could, but not to worry about it otherwise. He laughed saying, “We used to think you could go to hell for missing Mass” and the congregation laughed along with him. It’s no wonder they do not take the obligation seriously. The Church still teaches that missing Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of obligation without just reason is a grave sin. (CCC 2181).
The Examination of Conscience used at the Penance Service last week was schmaltzy and sugar-coated compared to the booklets we used when I attended Catholic grade school some 40 years ago. Gone is the distinction between mortal and venial sin. In those days, mortal sins were listed in all caps. The booklet shouted at us. There was no doubt that such acts or omissions were serious offenses. Today, being judgmental is itself the sin. Who are we to tell someone they are committing a sin by sleeping in on Sunday morning occasionally instead of attending Mass? The emphasis now seems to be one’s own conscience.
While we should certainly listen to our consciences, we have a moral obligation to form that conscience in accordance with Church teaching. Furthermore, the shepherds of the Church have a moral obligation to instruct the flock accurately on Church teaching. Priests should examine their own consciences by asking themselves, “Have I done a spiritual injustice to my parishioners by not being forthcoming in presenting the truth in my preaching?” Pulling punches for fear of offending the congregation only serves to jeopardize souls.
The lack of proper catechesis is compounded by the loss of so many Catholic schools. Few of us have the opportunity for a strong Catholic education. Many Catholic elementary schools have closed due to the expense of hiring qualified Catholic teachers to replace the nuns which are now fewer in number. Religious education is often taught by volunteers who are ill-equipped to do so. Learning the Catholic faith adequately is impossible when restricted to an hour a week. Following Mass last Sunday, our 4th, 5th, and 6th graders from the parish religious education class performed a sign language interpretation of a contemporary Christian song in front of the altar. While their proficiency in sign language was impressive, I couldn’t help but wonder how much they are really learning about their Catholic faith.
Poor catechesis has also lessened appreciation for the Real Presence. Many take the Holy Eucharist like a weekly vitamin, completely unaware of the miracle they are ingesting. The warning of 1 Corinthians 11:27 carries little weight when one does not understand what is actually taking place. How many of those partaking of the Body of Christ observe Church teaching on artificial birth control? How many fasted for an hour? How many can truly say they are in a state of grace? The congregation assumes the attitude that everyone else is approaching the altar and none of them go to confession, so why should I be any different? If there was something wrong with this, the priest would say something, wouldn’t he?
Even those who do understand the necessity of proper disposition are sometimes deterred from receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation by the modern forms. Many are uncomfortable with face-to-face confession, and although the option of going behind the screen is still available, the guarantee of anonymity is shaky at best. Many confessionals have been replaced by Reconciliation rooms where the priest may be visible upon entering. One never knows if he will be seen by the confessor and therefore, may avoid the possibility. How many serious sins go unconfessed because someone fears his anonymity will be compromised?
The fact that few priests show any concern for the long Communion lines and non-existent Confessional lines only further serves to justify the commonly held belief that confession is no longer considered necessary. The Priests contributed to this attitude and only they can reverse the trend by addressing these issues from the pulpit. Souls are at stake!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Facial Expressions and Matters of Life and Death
Saturdays are normally my day to relax, watch a game or two on television, and maybe get a little yard work done, but last week was an exception. An afternoon wedding, a birthday party, vigil Mass, and the out-of-town wedding reception had been on the calendar for some time. Added rather unexpectedly was a funeral in the morning. A friend from our parish lost her elderly mother and I wanted to pay my respects.
Since my wife and son were providing the music for the wedding and would be attending the rehearsal Friday evening, I stopped at the Burger King drive-up on my way home from work to pick up a fish sandwich before attending the wake. The cashier who was a friend of my daughter, asked me about the death of a relative of mine. This was news to me. I knew he had been in poor health, but despite the fact he lived only a few blocks from me, I was unaware of his passing. Add to the weekend another wake.
Saturday also proved to be busy for my son, the organist. He came home from college to play for the wedding so he also played for the morning funeral. The deceased came from a large Catholic family. One of the daughters picked the music for the Mass. My son is rather particular (read orthodox) about the music he plays. While there are many beautiful Catholic hymns appropriate for funerals, most families typically request Amazing Grace, and Precious Lord, Take My Hand. He respects the family's wishes, but puckers at the Protestant flavor of some of the selections. Wedding music is another matter. More about that later.
The funeral went well. A nephew of the deceased is a priest in the Boston Archdiocese. He concelebrated the Mass with our parish priest. I did notice a new liturgical wrinkle creeping into the liturgy. Our parish is pretty much evenly divided among those who during the Our Father assume no particular posture, those who assume the Orans Position, and those who hold hands. At the funeral Mass, some of the visitors took the hand-holding to a new extreme. They held hands, not only from one end of the pew to the other, but formed a snake going from pew to pew, punctuated with the standard half-orans termination pose. At the response to the doxology, they all raised their hands high the in air, still joined, in what I would describe as a modified ring-around-the-rosie move. (At what point does a Protestant pucker become a frown?)
For those who say, "So, what's wrong with holding hands during the Our Father", I really don't want to pontificate on the dangers of adding innovations to the liturgy here. Suffice to say, the Church does not prescribe a posture for the laity during the Our Father. When we invent one, we create a distraction that disrupts our unity and risks evolving into something of a spectacle that may lead to conflicting meanings not intended by the Church. As for singing Amazing Grace during the Mass, some consider it to contain a heretical lyric. I have covered that before. (See Selecting Liturgical Music, 11-28-03)
Before I wander too far off topic, let's go on to the wedding. My cousin's daughter, raised Catholic, was marrying a young non-Catholic she met at work. I do not know his faith background. The wedding vows were exchanged before our parish priest in the Catholic Church, but there was no celebration of the Mass. Music was not a major issue as the bride had little preference for what my son played. She only requested something similar to what her sister had at here wedding a number of years ago. The wedding was nice, but not without its quirky moments.
My niece was one of the bridesmaids. Having no fashion sense myself, I won't try to describe their gowns other than to say the upper half of their torsos were exposed in the back. My niece has tattoos, among which is a black cat sitting between her shoulder blades. At least, I THINK it was a black cat. The quality is so poor, it could easily be mistaken for large birthmark, which would be much less unsightly than the tattoo. I'll never understand what thought process causes a beautiful young girl to mutilate her body that way. (When does a frown become a grimace?)
After the bridal procession, the priest opened the ceremony by announcing that he forgot to have chairs set up in the front of the sanctuary for the wedding party. The bride and groom, best man and maid of honor, were made to stand through the entire ceremony including the homily. It was awkward, but everyone muddled through without fainting.
Sandwiched between the wedding and the reception, we briefly attended a birthday party for the one-year-old son of some parish friends, and then returned to church a third time for the Sunday vigil Mass for which my son also played. The wedding reception was being held about one hour's drive from the church, and we were hoping to make a quick exit after Mass as to not be too late for the festivities. We had forgotten that a baptism was taking place during Mass, and that my son had promised to meet another prospective bride and groom after Mass to pick out music for their wedding. I believe I may hold a record for witnessing a baptism, birthday party, wedding and funeral all in one day!
Knowing that we had to drop our son off at his college after the wedding reception and our schedule was now tighter than ever, we decided to run home to load his belongings for him while he met with the future bride and groom and their vocalist. When we got back to the church, he was still meeting with them in the choir loft. As we were now ten minutes late for the reception, and the reception was an hour away, I went upstairs to try to hurry them up. When I got there, I could tell from my son's facial expression that things were not going well. The vocalist, supposedly a Catholic, had suggested show tunes from the Sound of Music for the wedding. My son had informed them that wasn't going to happen here. She had also picked one of the contemporary pieces of music for the Mass, and was explaining to the bride and groom that "they don't do music in this parish that is done in almost every other parish around." (When does a grimace become a sneer?) With that, I told them we had to leave and they would have to finish picking out music themselves. We actually locked them in the church after telling them a complicated route they could follow to exit the church in the dark.
On the way to the reception, the car directly in front of us hit a deer. Had we left a few seconds earlier, we could have been the lead vehicle in the deer slaughter. No one was hurt, except for the deer, and we proceeded to the reception, getting there just in time to miss the obligatory full length epic video biographies of the bride and groom set to country music. The bride's sister and her husband got up to read a poem they had written about the bride and groom. Included in the prose was the story about how the bride and groom cohabitated before they were married. When it was over, everyone, including the priest who presided at the wedding, applauded politely. (When does a sneer become a glare?)
The experience of that day makes me realize how far we have strayed from our catholicity. The faith that makes us Catholics has been obscured by the secular traditions that have crept into the most important events of our lives. The sacramental nature of Matrimony has been cast aside. The marriage has become a production, complete with planners, directors, writers, designers, makeup artists, and videographers. The music is the wedding score, much like a movie soundtrack selected to set the mood and reflect the personality of the couple. No longer is it a melodious prayer praising God and asking him to bless the union. What spiritual preparation occurs is treated like a procedural requirement, much like getting the license. Couples go through it because the parish requires it, not because they are seeking spiritual growth together.
Those considering marriage should thoroughly understand what it means to enter into a covenant before God. Being in a covenantal relationship implies a complete commitment to one's partner. It carries certain responsibilities in the way couples lives their lives within the context of their Catholic faith. They must realize the difficulty they will encounter in their spiritual growth if they are not on the same path. Our parish has Marriage Preparation classes, but I cannot help but wonder about what is taught. What are they told about the Church's teaching on birth control? Do they study Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul's encyclical on Human Life?
Of course, the brief time spent by the couple in front of the priest in preparation for marriage will mean little if proper faith formation did not take place from an early age. When one of them was never grounded in the faith or comes from a non-catholic background, the chance of a solid faith-based union becomes even less likely. Then, what are chances that children coming from such a union will be properly catechized?
There are no easy answers. We are all called to holiness, but few seem to heed that call these days. We must pray and lead by example. Pray for vocations, for good priests who are not reluctant or unwilling to teach the fullness of the faith from the pulpit. Pray for families, for good parents who raise their children in homes upholding solid Christian values. Nurture the love of Christ and His Church in our children and all those around us. Living lives that are more Christ-centered than self-centered will give us many reasons to smile.
Saturdays are normally my day to relax, watch a game or two on television, and maybe get a little yard work done, but last week was an exception. An afternoon wedding, a birthday party, vigil Mass, and the out-of-town wedding reception had been on the calendar for some time. Added rather unexpectedly was a funeral in the morning. A friend from our parish lost her elderly mother and I wanted to pay my respects.
Since my wife and son were providing the music for the wedding and would be attending the rehearsal Friday evening, I stopped at the Burger King drive-up on my way home from work to pick up a fish sandwich before attending the wake. The cashier who was a friend of my daughter, asked me about the death of a relative of mine. This was news to me. I knew he had been in poor health, but despite the fact he lived only a few blocks from me, I was unaware of his passing. Add to the weekend another wake.
Saturday also proved to be busy for my son, the organist. He came home from college to play for the wedding so he also played for the morning funeral. The deceased came from a large Catholic family. One of the daughters picked the music for the Mass. My son is rather particular (read orthodox) about the music he plays. While there are many beautiful Catholic hymns appropriate for funerals, most families typically request Amazing Grace, and Precious Lord, Take My Hand. He respects the family's wishes, but puckers at the Protestant flavor of some of the selections. Wedding music is another matter. More about that later.
The funeral went well. A nephew of the deceased is a priest in the Boston Archdiocese. He concelebrated the Mass with our parish priest. I did notice a new liturgical wrinkle creeping into the liturgy. Our parish is pretty much evenly divided among those who during the Our Father assume no particular posture, those who assume the Orans Position, and those who hold hands. At the funeral Mass, some of the visitors took the hand-holding to a new extreme. They held hands, not only from one end of the pew to the other, but formed a snake going from pew to pew, punctuated with the standard half-orans termination pose. At the response to the doxology, they all raised their hands high the in air, still joined, in what I would describe as a modified ring-around-the-rosie move. (At what point does a Protestant pucker become a frown?)
For those who say, "So, what's wrong with holding hands during the Our Father", I really don't want to pontificate on the dangers of adding innovations to the liturgy here. Suffice to say, the Church does not prescribe a posture for the laity during the Our Father. When we invent one, we create a distraction that disrupts our unity and risks evolving into something of a spectacle that may lead to conflicting meanings not intended by the Church. As for singing Amazing Grace during the Mass, some consider it to contain a heretical lyric. I have covered that before. (See Selecting Liturgical Music, 11-28-03)
Before I wander too far off topic, let's go on to the wedding. My cousin's daughter, raised Catholic, was marrying a young non-Catholic she met at work. I do not know his faith background. The wedding vows were exchanged before our parish priest in the Catholic Church, but there was no celebration of the Mass. Music was not a major issue as the bride had little preference for what my son played. She only requested something similar to what her sister had at here wedding a number of years ago. The wedding was nice, but not without its quirky moments.
My niece was one of the bridesmaids. Having no fashion sense myself, I won't try to describe their gowns other than to say the upper half of their torsos were exposed in the back. My niece has tattoos, among which is a black cat sitting between her shoulder blades. At least, I THINK it was a black cat. The quality is so poor, it could easily be mistaken for large birthmark, which would be much less unsightly than the tattoo. I'll never understand what thought process causes a beautiful young girl to mutilate her body that way. (When does a frown become a grimace?)
After the bridal procession, the priest opened the ceremony by announcing that he forgot to have chairs set up in the front of the sanctuary for the wedding party. The bride and groom, best man and maid of honor, were made to stand through the entire ceremony including the homily. It was awkward, but everyone muddled through without fainting.
Sandwiched between the wedding and the reception, we briefly attended a birthday party for the one-year-old son of some parish friends, and then returned to church a third time for the Sunday vigil Mass for which my son also played. The wedding reception was being held about one hour's drive from the church, and we were hoping to make a quick exit after Mass as to not be too late for the festivities. We had forgotten that a baptism was taking place during Mass, and that my son had promised to meet another prospective bride and groom after Mass to pick out music for their wedding. I believe I may hold a record for witnessing a baptism, birthday party, wedding and funeral all in one day!
Knowing that we had to drop our son off at his college after the wedding reception and our schedule was now tighter than ever, we decided to run home to load his belongings for him while he met with the future bride and groom and their vocalist. When we got back to the church, he was still meeting with them in the choir loft. As we were now ten minutes late for the reception, and the reception was an hour away, I went upstairs to try to hurry them up. When I got there, I could tell from my son's facial expression that things were not going well. The vocalist, supposedly a Catholic, had suggested show tunes from the Sound of Music for the wedding. My son had informed them that wasn't going to happen here. She had also picked one of the contemporary pieces of music for the Mass, and was explaining to the bride and groom that "they don't do music in this parish that is done in almost every other parish around." (When does a grimace become a sneer?) With that, I told them we had to leave and they would have to finish picking out music themselves. We actually locked them in the church after telling them a complicated route they could follow to exit the church in the dark.
On the way to the reception, the car directly in front of us hit a deer. Had we left a few seconds earlier, we could have been the lead vehicle in the deer slaughter. No one was hurt, except for the deer, and we proceeded to the reception, getting there just in time to miss the obligatory full length epic video biographies of the bride and groom set to country music. The bride's sister and her husband got up to read a poem they had written about the bride and groom. Included in the prose was the story about how the bride and groom cohabitated before they were married. When it was over, everyone, including the priest who presided at the wedding, applauded politely. (When does a sneer become a glare?)
The experience of that day makes me realize how far we have strayed from our catholicity. The faith that makes us Catholics has been obscured by the secular traditions that have crept into the most important events of our lives. The sacramental nature of Matrimony has been cast aside. The marriage has become a production, complete with planners, directors, writers, designers, makeup artists, and videographers. The music is the wedding score, much like a movie soundtrack selected to set the mood and reflect the personality of the couple. No longer is it a melodious prayer praising God and asking him to bless the union. What spiritual preparation occurs is treated like a procedural requirement, much like getting the license. Couples go through it because the parish requires it, not because they are seeking spiritual growth together.
Those considering marriage should thoroughly understand what it means to enter into a covenant before God. Being in a covenantal relationship implies a complete commitment to one's partner. It carries certain responsibilities in the way couples lives their lives within the context of their Catholic faith. They must realize the difficulty they will encounter in their spiritual growth if they are not on the same path. Our parish has Marriage Preparation classes, but I cannot help but wonder about what is taught. What are they told about the Church's teaching on birth control? Do they study Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul's encyclical on Human Life?
Of course, the brief time spent by the couple in front of the priest in preparation for marriage will mean little if proper faith formation did not take place from an early age. When one of them was never grounded in the faith or comes from a non-catholic background, the chance of a solid faith-based union becomes even less likely. Then, what are chances that children coming from such a union will be properly catechized?
There are no easy answers. We are all called to holiness, but few seem to heed that call these days. We must pray and lead by example. Pray for vocations, for good priests who are not reluctant or unwilling to teach the fullness of the faith from the pulpit. Pray for families, for good parents who raise their children in homes upholding solid Christian values. Nurture the love of Christ and His Church in our children and all those around us. Living lives that are more Christ-centered than self-centered will give us many reasons to smile.
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